It's been a weird time. A lot of self reflection and a lot of other people wanting my time and energy and at a certain point I have to say no, I have to please myself first before I please anyone else. I started writing here because I thought no one would understand, no one would get it. Boy was I wrong. Here's a quote from a friend's blog that puts into words exactly how I feel.
"I'm so young and feel lightyears past many people my
age and older. Ignorance may be bliss but I'd rather feel life, live the
ups and downs with my realistic, idealist perspective than be numb to
it all. It's because I know how the low's feel that makes the high
points in life so amazing. It's knowing the natural high happiness brigs
that makes me pick myself up out of the low points."
As much as I want to grow up and move on to the next stage of life, it seems so far away. But situations in life may be forcing my hand in that regard. Things that I shouldn't have to deal with, things that someone so much older than me should be facing, not me. I'm still trying to figure out how to be myself let alone handle others' problems. It's not my time, but I guess the world has other ideas.
Work: I got to field produce! I was definitely thrown into the deep end on this one, and it appears I was able to swim. It was an insanely long day but well worth it. Very strange though, the other stations seemed to think I knew what was up, listen dude, you've been doing this longer than I've been alive and I've been doing it for all of four hours, so yeah.
AND I was able to start learning the AP job for SR! FINALLY! It appears I will be learning the AP jobs for the other shows over the next couple months too. Kind of out of the blue, but still kind of cool. Hopefully these experiences will put me on the track toward my goals.
Skating: Tested prejuvenile moves, but got a retry again. Way better than last time, didn't fall! But those darn 3 turns are clearly my nemesis. My coach here seems to think I should switch to adult track, I really have no desire to do so. Why would I at this point? And eventually I would be switched back to standard anyway. Definite best case of reverse psychology, but I don't think she realizes it. I'm the wrong person to tell no to, I find a way around, always have and always will.
Life: Well, the maintaining regular exercise routine has sort of worked. The weight loss appears to have stalled and maybe reversed slightly..too much Easter candy, oops. Progress will be made on the student loans..as soon as I figure out what my account password was, again oops.
The first quarter of the year is in the books. Bring it on second quarter!
