Life just keeps throwing curveballs. Seriously I was never good at baseball so this needs to stop. I spend the last 2 years and especially the last 6 months doing anything and everything I can to move along in the work place and it gets thrown back in my face. Why do I keep trying? Why? I was the best candidate for the position and they know it, but apparently I'm too reserved and calm for them...really? What does that even mean? You would think in a high pressure situation someone who can stay calm would be a bonus but I guess not, and they want to see growth beyond the position. WTH? I was already doing the position from the position below so I guess I was supposed to be doing two positions above me? Whatever...its a paycheck and nothing more at this point.
Quite frankly its simply a means to do what I really love and that is skating and dancing :) If I could do that every day, I would be the happiest person on earth...there is just something magical about the wind in your face and the scrape of the blade across the ice that makes everything okay. And the smell of hairspray, the glitter and sparkles, and oh the feeling of flying around the ballroom is like a drug, I leave there feeling so high I can't get enough. How did I not discover this in college? We had a team after all...I just keep coming back for more and more, it's an odd hobby for someone my age that's for sure. But what girl doesn't love getting all dolled up and wearing sparkles all day? :) Not to mention getting whisked around by gorgeous foreign men...I mean come on now...
Yesterday was my competitive rhythm debut, that seems like an odd combo coming from me, the girl despite 15 years of musical experience always seriously lacked rhythm...this was so out of the ordinary for me but so awesome at the same time. I've always been the little adult in the room, always the mature one which is why I think smooth is typically more my style. But rhythm...I think I have my new love, internally I love it, the freedom to let loose and have fun, now I have to figure out how to consistently display that externally.
Videos never lie! At moments it was like you know gosh darn it, I might get this performing thing down and then other moments I started thinking and getting in my own head. As strange as this sounds, it might actually be more beneficial for me to NOT have a routine and just have to be in the moment. If I have a routine I want to do each step perfectly and exactly how it was practiced but that's never the way it works when it counts.
In all seriousness though, life could throw anything at me but as long as I have these two things in my life it will be okay. I don't know if it was the shock of it all or what but skating after getting that news made everything go away. I could get lost in my bubble and nothing could bother me, no one could tell me know, it was just me and the ice for two hours of living in another world. A world where I could be me and not have to worry about putting up yet another front.
"Do you remember why you skate, or has it been too long? Somewhere
behind the athlete you've become, behind the media and the hype, the
rankings and the records, the hours of practice, the pain and bruises,
the coaches who pushed you, there is a little girl who lived just for
that chance to skate. So, before you put on that dress tonight, remember
the little girl who put on her very first pair of skates, who fell in
love with this sport the say she touched the ice and never looked back.
Skate for her."
