Why bother trying?

Typically as an intern, you get the assignments nobody wants. Or maybe if you're lucky, you get to do something that might actually be relevant. With the secretary out this week, I've seemingly been demoted to answering phones and running errands...which is fine for awhile but seriously people? This is supposed to be a communications internship, not personal assistant service. I'm trying to get experience and learn new things, but ever time I do the proverbial door gets slammed in my face. I try to complete assignments that I am given but can't because it would actually take an act of Congress to get them done... I try to work the camera angle only to get shooed away. I try to work the blog angle only to have just about every word edited. What more do you want from me? I flipped through the guidebook and realize there was a daily assignment I was suppose to be doing all along...a little hard if no one explains it. Even with catching up on that daily assignment, I still finished everything before lunch time. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I am here... It is only 10 weeks so I know the end is in sight. I am finished in exactly 2 months, 3 days, 5 hours and 30 minutes but who is counting? I need some major job/interview vibes this week, please and thank you.

Conflict

Life was so much easier in school. I knew pretty much what to expect everyday for 9 months of the year, and then someone hands you a piece of paper that says "yep, you're ready" and then pushes you out to the real world. Now I'm in charge, I have to figure out this whole grown up real world deal out and still be true to myself. The thing is I don't want to live life with the same story every single day. I know it has only been a week, but I so cannot work at a desk 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I want to see different places and do different things and explore what this crazy world has to offer. I'm beginning to think maybe I'm trying to force the issue of wanting the "big city" lifestyle right now. Maybe it's not for me, maybe there is a better fit somewhere else. Like when I was searching for colleges, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I researched those places endlessly and planned out what I could do there and how I would live. But when I visited each one, I didn't really get the feeling that this was it, this was "the one." That is until I got to the college I wasn't really expecting anything out of. It didn't have exactly what I thought I wanted, but it had everything that deep inside I didn't know I wanted but absolutely needed to be satisfied with the college experience. Looking back I just wish I had more time to stop and smell the roses a bit more. I was trying so hard to fit everything in that sometimes I was definitely a jack of all trades yet master at none. I think I feel like this place is "the place" for me, but at other times I wonder if maybe there is another path out there that will be "the one."

Insanity

I guess today could be a metaphor for life right now. On the edge between insanity and dedicated with obstacles thrown in the mix. I went out the rink today. It is by far not the closest one, but I wanted to see what it had to offer. After careful planning, I had the schedule written out for the two Metros and one bus I would need to get there. Well, thanks to delays in the morning, I missed the bus I intended to take and being on the weekend schedule I had to wait over an hour for the next one. I finally get there, albeit almost an hour later than I anticipated. The place was a zoo, so many people everywhere, kids, adults, and everyone in between. The center of the rink is typically reserved for the more experienced skaters...well here it is reserved for the private lessons/practice. I constantly felt edged out and I'm not sure how much useful practice I actually accomplished. So many people wanting the exact same thing I did and fighting for their spot. There are so many people who are fighting for the same jobs I am in a field that is desperately trying to find its place in the 21st century. I so wanted to just spread my wings and fly but it just wasn't possible. I'm going to keep trying because I know it will be good for me and it will make me a better skater for it. But sometimes I just wish things would go my way without having to fight so hard for it.

Welcome

Well, this is my first post on this blog. I've tooled around with other ones before. Hopefully, this will be the outlet I feel like I need. Sometimes I just need to talk out my thoughts for them to start to make sense. My mind can get the best of me sometimes. I worry about what is coming in the future and what happened before. I think I need to live in the here and now and live to the fullest with no regrets and let go of the what if's. That is a big theme in life right now, the what if's. You see I thought I did everything right, I thought of anyone I would be the one to land a job right out of school and life would go on its merrily little way. I knew it would be tough getting into radio and television, but I had done everything by the books and even beyond to be prepared. But there is nothing to prepare you to deal with the reality of applying to dozens of jobs without even getting so much as an auto email response back. I knew I couldn't stay in suburbia and continue working in retail. I finally received an offer last July...but it was only for 12 weeks...but it was in one of the top TV markets in the country. So off I went, packed my bags, and headed off to the big city. It was almost like going back to college again, moving into a dorm. At least I was doing something, for most of the summer it felt like life was on pause. Everyone else was moving on with their lives and I was stuck. I adapted pretty well to big city living and 12 weeks went by pretty fast. But then after some interviews that never led anywhere, I was right back where I started on Graduation Day, kind of aimless for the moment, and for me that is a scary place to be. I tried my best to enjoy an extended Christmas break, knowing that I likely would never have holidays off at any point in the near future. And come the New Year I received another offer...again only 10 weeks, but I headed back to the big city hoping maybe this time would be different. So here I am chronicling my journey in the post college years, trying to find myself and figure out what I want out of life.