Do what makes you happy

It's so easy to say but not quite as easy to do. I just finished watching the Lifetime movie of JK Rowling's life. The similarities are striking. She knew exactly what she wanted to do but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Everyone told her it wasn't practical and she needed something more reliable. She was pleasing everyone else, it wasn't until rock bottom that she realized she had nothing to lose and finally made herself happy. 

Journalism is not a career you go into for fame and fortune. It is one of those "impractical" career choices, the crazy hours, low pay and unpredictability. But for those that follow that path do so to follow a passion, a desire that is worth more than a nice, fat paycheck. When you find something you love to do and it's one of those things that you just know is right. Words cannot quite capture the feeling. 

It's strangely similar to college selection. I visited several schools but when it was the one, I knew that I wouldn't be fully happy anywhere else and that it was the one place were I could get what I wanted out of the college experience. It didn't have what I thought I wanted, but had exactly what I didn't know I needed. When I look at other job openings or consider other locations, it just doesn't feel right. Some are definitely close but nothing is quite like DC. Looking back through old scrapbooks, I realized that this is in my blood, this is what I am and who I'm meant to be.

Go big or go home

After yet another day trip for another interview, I met with my contact there. She was awesome! It was really great to hear from someone who really knew the field and had been there done that. I realized I'm getting in my own way. If this is really what I want, then I have to be willing to take the plunge and just do it. No excuses! I honestly cannot picture myself anywhere else doing anything else. She has convinced me that I actually do have experience and that I actually could do this. It's to the point where I have looked at apartments online and mentally designed the rooms. Of course I'm way jumping the gun, at the minimum I'll have to have a roommate and won't be able to afford anything for a long time. Now I continue to wait...

Another one opens...or so I thought

Today was the big interview day with the senior editor at The NewsHour. I'm not sure what to think. I wasn't really nervous, but it wasn't really a normal interview. Obviously, I'm at least somewhat qualified, I mean I got the first interview. I made it out of the stack of hundreds of resumes, but now I've got to seal the deal. But at the same time it wasn't a typical interview, he was a little late, didn't really ask a lot if any questions and left in the middle of the interview. But he left to go get someone else to interview me for another position that just opened. This was the position I applied for first that got me the California documentary. I mean I'd love either position but I'd obviously prefer the permanent position with a salary that is sustainable. There really are no second chances with this one, I've got to pull out all the stops to prove that I'm worthy. Now the waiting game begins, who knows when I'll find out about the main position, but the other surprise one could start in less than a week!** Absolutely crazy, the turnaround time, packing, living arrangements. I've got to talk to Lisa about this. We are so much alike and I trust her judgment. I guess you could say I'm hopefully optimistic that the third time truly is the charm!

**(Note since this was written, I was officially rejected again.)

As one door closes...

Another chapter ends...not quite sure how I feel about that. This is the first internship/work experience where I really truly did not want to see it end. (And I pray it doesn’t truly ever end.) As crazy as it has been the last few weeks, I can honestly say I loved everything about it and everybody involved got along great. There were no weird feelings like there have been in the past. And as hard as it was to almost be “commuting” a couple hundred miles each week, it was totally worth it. I made some great network connections and honestly some great friends. They were all very real people without the “Washington” persona that can be so prevalent down here. I felt like I belonged and didn’t have to fight so hard to fit in. I’m definitely an old soul in that regard. I feel like I have so much more in common with these co-workers and employers who are closer in age to my parents than the co-workers and employers who are closer to my actual age.

Now I face the seemingly never-ending quest to figure out what comes next. Do I stay or do I go? Do I try to make a go of it as a grown up in the real world? Or do I wait until I have the job/apartment/whatever lined up and waiting for me? This is where actually acting my age would come in handy. The average 20-something would just kind of take the plunge without any responsibility to hold them back. I definitely don’t have the average 20-something mindset. I analyze everything to death. Honestly at this point, I don’t know what to do. I could find some job somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and work my way back to Washington, but nothing seems at all interesting. After making it nearly a year (off and on), I feel like I’ve earned my keep so to speak. Everyone says DC is the place to be and the place with all the jobs, which is true...if you have experience which is nearly impossible to get because no one will hire you to get experience. I can’t intern forever, freelance seems like it could have interesting possibilities but it also has a certain sense of uncertainty that I don’t know that I could handle 24/7/365. I have to figure out this internal battle between what my head says I should do and what my heart truly wants. Perhaps I need to just follow my heart and everything that my head says will just happen?