Winter Wonderland

Been awhile on the night shift...oh the things one learns working this schedule. Anyway it's been a wee bit crazy but kind of fun in a weird way. There really hasn't been any major issues that I haven't been able to figure out. It is so weird though to not constantly be looking for the next job. That part I definitely like. As an added bonus, my holiday schedule got reworked majorly in my favor :) :) :) I'll finally get a few days to feel like a normal human again before I head back into the storm that is known as the 2012 campaign season. Night shifts, dawn shifts and everything in between...well till next time Merry Christmas!

Ghosts, Ghouls, and Vampires

I guess it's appropriate that my next post comes around Halloween as I start what I have affectionately dubbed the "vampire schedule"...the overnight shift. It's really not as bad as I thought it might be. It will be a little weird once I'm on it solo because I go to work and it's dark out and I leave work and it's still dark out but when I wake up it is light out. This schedule definitely has its perks including a 3 day weekend built in and time to go skating :)

I also survived my first Challenge Walk last weekend...and apparently I drank the kool-aid and signed up again for next year. It was quite special, kind of like band camp, at the end of the first one, you think no way will I ever voluntarily put myself through that again. But then a few days away with the legs back, something tells you to do it again.

Though I had a tough enough time getting there. Since I'm still so new I feel like I should take every opportunity for overtime that I can, the whole "pay your dues" thing. But at the same time I requested to have that weekend off 2 months ago. And of course they asked me to work overtime when I was planning to go home. I shouldn't feel bad about it, but part of me does, but the other part of me is like, look I can work overtime every other weekend of the month just give me this one. Having the long weekend is supposed to be the perk of the overnights, I guess to make up for the lack of human contact. I also don't want to get burnt out because I know that the upcoming primary/caucus season is going to be hellacious with regards to work and overtime.

Well until next time~

Settling In

The past couple weeks have been good. I started training some of the other shifts too. It definitely feels like a test of wills or some bizarre hazing to weed out the weaklings. The overnight/day time flip flop is a little bizarre...would definitely help if things were a bit busier, but I think I'll get used to the overnights. I'll probably miss the peace and quiet once I have to flip back. Well, the company just celebrated it's 15th anniversary with a fabulous rooftop party. :) Seriously awesome! Now to the sad part, my boss left to take a new job :( I know I've only be here a few months, but seriously it was the best fit of personalities. I learned so much and will be forever grateful to him for giving me a chance here. Things are definitely going in the right direction and I'm secretly hoping by the New Year I will be upped to a permanent/staff position.

Wow...just wow

Seriously, these last few weeks have simply been unreal...I think subconsciously somewhere my mind still thinks that this is only temporary and at some point I will wake up and everything will be gone. This is supposed to happen, this isn't the way they teach you in school. You're not supposed to be working at a major national cable network at 23. It's just not the "normal" way, but I have never been one for the "normal" or "easy" way. I have always done better with the more difficult tasks at hand. Granted I've also had my moments wondering what I'm doing here, if I was simply going to be sorting the mail and stocking the kitchen I could have gotten a job doing that anywhere. Slowly it's feeling more and more like home which is nice. Hopefully sooner rather than later I will make staff. Everything seems to be going well and I'm adapting and as flexible as possible. It was a long and winding road to get to this point but I think I definitely needed those stops along the way to figure out exactly who I am and what I want to be doing. The party tonight...words can't even describe it. I mean it was just totally unreal. The view, the food, the drinks, everything was just out of this world. It was a definite perk to be able to socialize with people outside of the bureau and to actually get to know them a little bit and realize that I'm not alone on this crazy ride.

A Day of Reflection

I guess I'm part of the 9/11 Generation. The generation that lost their innocence far too soon and came of age in a time of war, terror, and a drastically altered political landscape. Every generation seems to have that "where were you when" moment. That moment in history were you can recall every detail of the event.

For me, that moment was in 8th grade science class. I can still recall the beautiful Tuesday morning. It was the second week of school and science must have been the first class of the day. With beams of sunlight drifting into the classroom, our teacher pretty much just blurted it out. She had recieved an email from her husband about a plane crash into the World Trade Center. Honestly, in our 13 and 14 year old minds, we didn't really know what to make of it. It seemed like something you would see on the news, the gravity of the situation had yet to reveal itself. At some point, the teachers decided to return us to our homerooms. That is when we knew something must be up. Being a small school with only 2 classes per grade, all the teachers and the principal simply met in the hallway to discuss what to do. What could they do? I mean it's not like this is something you could have prepared for or practiced.

Eventually school buses started showing up to dismiss us. There really was no rhyme or reason as to when or how they would do this. It was also the kindergarten boys first day of school. (Private school, what can I say?) I distinctly remember going down to both kindergarten rooms to see which students I would be in charge of. I was the safety person that got them on and off the bus every day. But this was no ordinary day. They too knew something was up, but they were so young. I remember them asking me or the bus driver what was happening. I had no idea what to tell, because truth be told, I didn't really know either. I'm pretty sure I just told them that their parents would explain it when they got home. What else could you say?

I remember both my parents at home when we arrived. I vaguely remember watching the news but not much. Again this event just seemed like another bad thing on the news. It seemed a little nerve wracking because if the bad guys had hit NYC and DC, what's to say they wouldn't hit Philadelphia next? Two years later, I went to a leadership camp in Washington DC and we visited the Pentagon. I definitely remember the chapel area, I'm not sure if the memorial was completed by that point or not. Beyond prayer services, remembrance ceremonies, American flags and ribbons, I don't really have much connection to the events for the next few years

Fast forward to 9/11/10. I moved to Washington DC for the first time. To see that date on paper didn't really mean a whole lot, to pull into downtown Washington and see all the flags at half staff really puts it into perspective. The events over the next year lined me up perfectly to take a new job that again landed me working in Washington DC on 9/11/11 with a view of the Capitol Dome.

To think about what could have been, if those passengers and crew members had not taken matters into their own hands? To think about what might have happened if it wasn't the south side of the Pentagon hit? Everyone focuses so much on NYC because they took the brunt of the casulties. But to realize that the mighty and powerful United States military and government could be taken so off guard is mind boggling. To realize that over the course of the last year, I have gone in and out of the Pentagon travel space so many times, traveled a path that some took that morning and wouldn't take that evening. Now it hits closer to home, it's this place I've always dreamed of, a place held up on a pedestal that no one could knock down.

To those who think the media needs to tone down coverage, look at the babies who never met their fathers, look at the girls who won't have their father on their wedding day and the boys who have no one to place catch with in the yard.

The men, women, and children who died that day were unknowingly the first soldiers in the war on terror. They died doing everyday tasks on that beautiful late summer morning. Thank you to the soldiers that followed in their footsteps. Thank you to the families that sacrificed everything so that we can live in country as great as this one. Thank you for protecting our freedoms and allowing the American Dream to flourish in this new age. Thank you for allowing me to live my American Dream.

Season of Changes

Well, it sure has been awhile. Since my last post, I finally landed an actual job! No more internships! It's not an actual salaried, vacation, benefits type job, but it has the potential to turn into that very quickly. So I moved back down about 3.5 weeks ago and started training. In my head I know it's a job and not an internship that will be over in 3 months, but it still doesn't seem real. It seems like someone will wake me up and I will be back to square 1 again. I know I'm doing a good job now, but at first it seemed a little scary to think that they trust me to be doing these things. I will be forever grateful to my friend K for passing my resume along and letting me crash with her until I found a place.

That's a whole 'nother story...it's almost as bad as trying to find a job. But here I am finally in an apartment, it's a very nice apartment with 2 roommates. But again it's one of those things that they don't teach you in school. There is no guidebook, no how-to method. This is the real world and you have to just close your eyes and dive in...and hope you don't crash into the bottom.

Let's see, in my first month, we've had an earthquake, a hurricane (with 2 more on the way), the 10th anniversary of 9/11, and the fall of Lybia/Syria??, and the continued ramping up of the next presidential campaign. I guess you could say I've started out with a bang.

I think part of why I can't actually believe I'm here is because this is not the way things are supposed to go. All the guidebooks and how-to books tell you to start small and get your feet wet before swimming into the big pool...well I like doing things my way I suppose...I've never done things the easy way so why start now? In some ways it does finally feel like life is moving forward again and it's nice to be surrounded by a group of colleagues who are around my age. It feels like our version of Gray's Anatomy...we are all going through the same things at the same time and actually have someone who truly gets it...though there aren't enough males to create the relationship drama like the show. Hopefully they continue to be impressed with my work and I can move up into permanent status soon enough :)

Do what makes you happy

It's so easy to say but not quite as easy to do. I just finished watching the Lifetime movie of JK Rowling's life. The similarities are striking. She knew exactly what she wanted to do but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Everyone told her it wasn't practical and she needed something more reliable. She was pleasing everyone else, it wasn't until rock bottom that she realized she had nothing to lose and finally made herself happy. 

Journalism is not a career you go into for fame and fortune. It is one of those "impractical" career choices, the crazy hours, low pay and unpredictability. But for those that follow that path do so to follow a passion, a desire that is worth more than a nice, fat paycheck. When you find something you love to do and it's one of those things that you just know is right. Words cannot quite capture the feeling. 

It's strangely similar to college selection. I visited several schools but when it was the one, I knew that I wouldn't be fully happy anywhere else and that it was the one place were I could get what I wanted out of the college experience. It didn't have what I thought I wanted, but had exactly what I didn't know I needed. When I look at other job openings or consider other locations, it just doesn't feel right. Some are definitely close but nothing is quite like DC. Looking back through old scrapbooks, I realized that this is in my blood, this is what I am and who I'm meant to be.

Go big or go home

After yet another day trip for another interview, I met with my contact there. She was awesome! It was really great to hear from someone who really knew the field and had been there done that. I realized I'm getting in my own way. If this is really what I want, then I have to be willing to take the plunge and just do it. No excuses! I honestly cannot picture myself anywhere else doing anything else. She has convinced me that I actually do have experience and that I actually could do this. It's to the point where I have looked at apartments online and mentally designed the rooms. Of course I'm way jumping the gun, at the minimum I'll have to have a roommate and won't be able to afford anything for a long time. Now I continue to wait...

Another one opens...or so I thought

Today was the big interview day with the senior editor at The NewsHour. I'm not sure what to think. I wasn't really nervous, but it wasn't really a normal interview. Obviously, I'm at least somewhat qualified, I mean I got the first interview. I made it out of the stack of hundreds of resumes, but now I've got to seal the deal. But at the same time it wasn't a typical interview, he was a little late, didn't really ask a lot if any questions and left in the middle of the interview. But he left to go get someone else to interview me for another position that just opened. This was the position I applied for first that got me the California documentary. I mean I'd love either position but I'd obviously prefer the permanent position with a salary that is sustainable. There really are no second chances with this one, I've got to pull out all the stops to prove that I'm worthy. Now the waiting game begins, who knows when I'll find out about the main position, but the other surprise one could start in less than a week!** Absolutely crazy, the turnaround time, packing, living arrangements. I've got to talk to Lisa about this. We are so much alike and I trust her judgment. I guess you could say I'm hopefully optimistic that the third time truly is the charm!

**(Note since this was written, I was officially rejected again.)

As one door closes...

Another chapter ends...not quite sure how I feel about that. This is the first internship/work experience where I really truly did not want to see it end. (And I pray it doesn’t truly ever end.) As crazy as it has been the last few weeks, I can honestly say I loved everything about it and everybody involved got along great. There were no weird feelings like there have been in the past. And as hard as it was to almost be “commuting” a couple hundred miles each week, it was totally worth it. I made some great network connections and honestly some great friends. They were all very real people without the “Washington” persona that can be so prevalent down here. I felt like I belonged and didn’t have to fight so hard to fit in. I’m definitely an old soul in that regard. I feel like I have so much more in common with these co-workers and employers who are closer in age to my parents than the co-workers and employers who are closer to my actual age.

Now I face the seemingly never-ending quest to figure out what comes next. Do I stay or do I go? Do I try to make a go of it as a grown up in the real world? Or do I wait until I have the job/apartment/whatever lined up and waiting for me? This is where actually acting my age would come in handy. The average 20-something would just kind of take the plunge without any responsibility to hold them back. I definitely don’t have the average 20-something mindset. I analyze everything to death. Honestly at this point, I don’t know what to do. I could find some job somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and work my way back to Washington, but nothing seems at all interesting. After making it nearly a year (off and on), I feel like I’ve earned my keep so to speak. Everyone says DC is the place to be and the place with all the jobs, which is true...if you have experience which is nearly impossible to get because no one will hire you to get experience. I can’t intern forever, freelance seems like it could have interesting possibilities but it also has a certain sense of uncertainty that I don’t know that I could handle 24/7/365. I have to figure out this internal battle between what my head says I should do and what my heart truly wants. Perhaps I need to just follow my heart and everything that my head says will just happen?

Dare to Dream and Find your Passion

Those are the messages I got from Dove chocolate wrappers over the weekend. It was perfect timing as I received an email the day before saying I was a semi-finalist for a job I could only dream about before. They wanted to do a phone interview/screening Monday (today). I honestly have no idea how it went. I was definitely nervous and not 100% prepared for some of the questions. As usual with me and interviews, after the fact I never remember what happened during the conversation. It just goes in one ear and out the other, maybe it's the nerves? Who knows, I shouldn't get that nervous though. Nothing says nerves quite like sell out stadiums or parades of the century. With this particular one, it was like the Holy Grail, the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz, someone in some far away place that mere mortals never get to see much less talk to. All of a sudden I had every hope and dream for the last 4 years, heck for most of my life, flash before me. I would be back in a position where I couldn't wait to go to work each morning and love every minute of it. I may not be perfectly groomed for this position but obviously they see something in me if they still called regardless. Now if only to convince myself that it went fine and to somehow occupy my mind over the next two weeks of waiting.

Just a little bit longer

Still no luck. But I managed to get this 10 week position extended to 14 and now 16 weeks, which I suppose is a good thing. I also have a potential interview lined up for an actual job-job. I've come to realize that I may just have to deal with that for the time being. It is no where close to anything I dream of doing, but it would be permanent and in one of my desired locations. I'm so conflicted about life sometimes. I just wish I could turn my brain off and stop thinking and just start doing. Today was the royal wedding. I'll admit I wasn't that caught up in it until last night. And yes I attempted to get up and watch, I wasn't very successful only managed to see the end of the ceremony and processional out. But seriously who doesn't love a fairy tale? Can't we all be the fairy tale princess, even if it's just for one day? Can't we have that happy ending? Oh the dress...love me some wedding gowns :)

Some days I feel like I'm stuck in a quarter life crisis. Why can't I seem to get it together? I think it looks that way on the outside, but on the inside I just want to go back to being 18-19 and not having to worry about anything. Life was so much simpler while in school, and I keep thinking about going back, but they still haven't fully arranged the program and now I don't think they will get it up by the fall. I just don't. I'm tired of the waiting and wanting and hoping. But I just have to hold on a little bit longer, I suppose. 

Is this really happening?

Like the song I was listening to this morning, "...be careful what you wish for because you just just might get it all..." I'm not sure why I'm reacting like this, but I just found an opening for my absolutely, positively, most awesome dream job, you know the one you tell people about when they ask what you want to do if you could do anything in the world. I saw the job posting and completely started sobbing, like the full on ugly cry...what am I coming to? I mean it starts to get completely demoralizing when you get rejected from internship positions or even secretarial positions. Nothing against secretaries, but apparently I'm over/under qualified for even that type of work... It got the point today where I even applied for a sales position which I swore I would never do, but it was back up near school so I figured what the heck. I really should not listen to music while writing, another song just finished with the line, "...some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this..." Seriously, in the interview on Monday they asked if I could start tomorrow, what would be my ultimate goal/dream job. Down to a tee it would be this position that just opened, it was almost like a prayer was answered or something. Hmm, now to land an interview...Granted technically both openings are more internships, but they are 7-12 months not 3, yippee! Seriously, my heart aches for these jobs...how many people get to wake up every single morning and can't wait to get to work and absolutely love their job from the bottom of their heart? I mean I keep clicking on the posting over and over just to be sure it is still there and I'm not imagining something that I want so badly. This would set me up to do exactly what I've dreamed about doing since I was 6 years old.

Edited to add: someone just posted this as a Facebook status and I just had to add it to this post,  

"You can discourage and take away a lot from a person, but passion...passion is one thing you will never be able to lay a finger on."

Uncertainty

Last week was fabulous. Anything that could go right did, you know spent the afternoon with Olympic Champions, private ice time, NBD :) 

But so far this week has been a harsh crash back to reality. I'm not really sure what I want to be doing. I want to be here so badly but it seems that no one else sees things that way. I want to move out to my dream job, but I'll be lucky if I even get noticed. I want to go back to school and live there. Part of me has wanted to be in this town for so long and you know what I'm making it happen, but the other part of me thinks that, well I tried time to move on and maybe come back later. I mean what a way to start out a Monday, with not one but two more job rejections. There's only so much rejection one person can take. I spent most of the day at work revamping resumes and cover letters, hopefully the effort will start to pay off again. 

The week will end on a positive note with a long weekend at home. Can't wait! See you all soon :) 

Been Awhile

Well, so far I guess you can say no news is good news? My internship has been extended which is nice and buys me some more time but it's definitely time for something else. Went skating tonight, felt so good to be out there and so freeing at the same time. I wish I could have gone to this rink first, but alas hockey rules down here. I didn't want to spend the money, but it was definitely some well deserved me time and as an added bonus the rink was rather empty. :)

I think everyone needs an outlet and this is mine. For over a month now, I have woken up every morning, gone to work, come home, went to bed and repeated the process. This is so not me, I need variety, I need the stimulation, I can't sit at a desk and stare at a computer for 8 hours waiting for the clock to hit 5:30. Hopefully, next week will bring some better days and better news.

Just Get Up

This title is more symbolic than most. The movie RISE came out last week and it was truly more moving than I quite imagined. The stories were incredible. To see Olympic champions fall over and over, yet get up and keep going. To see someone get so close to their dreams and have everything snatched away. To know that a simple message is all that is needed to keep going. Even when I have my down days and think to hell with it all, I have to know that I just need to get up one more time and try again. I loved Scott Hamilton's quote about being a serial underachiever and deciding to put full force into making something of himself. I don't think I've quite been a serial underachiever in a certain sense. I always set out to do my best, my problem tends to be that I want to be the best at everything. But I definitely need to learn to put full force and dedication into something I want. So when one rejection letter comes back, that just means I have to send out two more applications. And when my body won't cooperate on a new jump or spin, I need to really examine what I am doing and why I am doing it. There are a couple jobs that look really promising. I know I could apply for this opening and have a decent shot at it, but in reality I want nothing to do with this field. I need to dig deep into other areas and find a way to get there. It certainly won't be easy and certainly won't be without complications but I just need to get up one more time.

Progress

Finally a glimmer of light with not one but two interviews this week. I'm starting to think maybe it will finally happen when I stop trying so hard and just let the chips fall where they may. Neither interview is at a location I pushed for, networked for, nothing. I think I actually really want the second job. It is a good opportunity in a good location and it seems like they actually really want me to. I applied on Monday, received a call today, and an interview on Friday. I don't know if I have ever had such a quick turnaround in any job. Just have to make it two more days till the weekend, movies tomorrow night cannot wait :) and home on Friday :)

Dashed

I know she means well, but seriously my mother has got to stop. I shouldn't get off the phone sobbing, I should have exciting and new adventures to tell her. I finally started to accept and almost enjoy my position and she goes and dashes it. Telling me to not give up so easily was definitely the wrong choice of words. I've pushed myself to get good grades, done all the right things to try and get ahead, I've been at this for coming up on one year, don't you dare tell me I'm giving up too easily. I should tell her these things but I just can't. I'm the golden child that can do no wrong and never has any problems. I just want my life to move forward and I'm stuck in a constant state of limbo. I'm so done looking for a job, I'm so done trying to do the right thing, I'm so done trying to meet the right people. Why am I being tested this way? I just want to be able to go to work, go skating, and finally start living a full adult life. Apparently, you can't get a job unless you got an education degree or an engineering degree, the rest of us are just royally screwed.

Revelation

As frustrating as the job hunt can be, today I had a minor revelation and realized, you know what life has been pretty damn good to me so far. It may not be going the way I want at the moment, but I've had the chance to do things people wouldn't even dream of. 

Been to the top of the Great Wall, been to the Vatican during Holy Week, been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, been on national television countless times, met famous people of all walks of life, taken part in the most historic Presidential inauguration ever, have photographs taken with Olympians, even an interview/press conference with a former Secretary of State...I mean how many can say they have done all that before they've reached 25? 

The stars might finally be aligning on the job front so fingers crossed something happens this week. At this point I will take just about anything just to have some sense of stability and security and something to build on for my future. Maybe the future will include the guy from the Newseum today? :)

Winter Blahs

Things have kind of been up and down the last few days. Sometimes I actually do things and some days...well let's just say I probably spend more time playing Tetris. There is so much I want yet so much I can't have. I've applied to probably close to ~150 jobs at this point, yet nothing. I do everything "they" tell you to do and then some and have nothing to show for it. I just wish I could get an interview...the other day I was excited because an actual human acknowledged my resume. I know good things will come to those who wait...but goodness I've done my time. I don't want to settle for second best, but I'm so done fighting. When will it finally be my turn? At least with college, I knew I would have a back up if my first choice didn't pan out. But this whole job thing, I can only seem to buy myself time. I just want consistency and stability and to know what I'll be doing for the next year or two not just the next month or two. Right now is one of those moments where I wish there were a handbook on life. No one tells you how to handle not being able to find a job. I'm just like everyone else. I want the American Dream, the good job, husband, kids, house, white picket fence, the whole thing. I just want my life to come off the pause button and move forward.

Why bother trying?

Typically as an intern, you get the assignments nobody wants. Or maybe if you're lucky, you get to do something that might actually be relevant. With the secretary out this week, I've seemingly been demoted to answering phones and running errands...which is fine for awhile but seriously people? This is supposed to be a communications internship, not personal assistant service. I'm trying to get experience and learn new things, but ever time I do the proverbial door gets slammed in my face. I try to complete assignments that I am given but can't because it would actually take an act of Congress to get them done... I try to work the camera angle only to get shooed away. I try to work the blog angle only to have just about every word edited. What more do you want from me? I flipped through the guidebook and realize there was a daily assignment I was suppose to be doing all along...a little hard if no one explains it. Even with catching up on that daily assignment, I still finished everything before lunch time. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I am here... It is only 10 weeks so I know the end is in sight. I am finished in exactly 2 months, 3 days, 5 hours and 30 minutes but who is counting? I need some major job/interview vibes this week, please and thank you.

Conflict

Life was so much easier in school. I knew pretty much what to expect everyday for 9 months of the year, and then someone hands you a piece of paper that says "yep, you're ready" and then pushes you out to the real world. Now I'm in charge, I have to figure out this whole grown up real world deal out and still be true to myself. The thing is I don't want to live life with the same story every single day. I know it has only been a week, but I so cannot work at a desk 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I want to see different places and do different things and explore what this crazy world has to offer. I'm beginning to think maybe I'm trying to force the issue of wanting the "big city" lifestyle right now. Maybe it's not for me, maybe there is a better fit somewhere else. Like when I was searching for colleges, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I researched those places endlessly and planned out what I could do there and how I would live. But when I visited each one, I didn't really get the feeling that this was it, this was "the one." That is until I got to the college I wasn't really expecting anything out of. It didn't have exactly what I thought I wanted, but it had everything that deep inside I didn't know I wanted but absolutely needed to be satisfied with the college experience. Looking back I just wish I had more time to stop and smell the roses a bit more. I was trying so hard to fit everything in that sometimes I was definitely a jack of all trades yet master at none. I think I feel like this place is "the place" for me, but at other times I wonder if maybe there is another path out there that will be "the one."

Insanity

I guess today could be a metaphor for life right now. On the edge between insanity and dedicated with obstacles thrown in the mix. I went out the rink today. It is by far not the closest one, but I wanted to see what it had to offer. After careful planning, I had the schedule written out for the two Metros and one bus I would need to get there. Well, thanks to delays in the morning, I missed the bus I intended to take and being on the weekend schedule I had to wait over an hour for the next one. I finally get there, albeit almost an hour later than I anticipated. The place was a zoo, so many people everywhere, kids, adults, and everyone in between. The center of the rink is typically reserved for the more experienced skaters...well here it is reserved for the private lessons/practice. I constantly felt edged out and I'm not sure how much useful practice I actually accomplished. So many people wanting the exact same thing I did and fighting for their spot. There are so many people who are fighting for the same jobs I am in a field that is desperately trying to find its place in the 21st century. I so wanted to just spread my wings and fly but it just wasn't possible. I'm going to keep trying because I know it will be good for me and it will make me a better skater for it. But sometimes I just wish things would go my way without having to fight so hard for it.

Welcome

Well, this is my first post on this blog. I've tooled around with other ones before. Hopefully, this will be the outlet I feel like I need. Sometimes I just need to talk out my thoughts for them to start to make sense. My mind can get the best of me sometimes. I worry about what is coming in the future and what happened before. I think I need to live in the here and now and live to the fullest with no regrets and let go of the what if's. That is a big theme in life right now, the what if's. You see I thought I did everything right, I thought of anyone I would be the one to land a job right out of school and life would go on its merrily little way. I knew it would be tough getting into radio and television, but I had done everything by the books and even beyond to be prepared. But there is nothing to prepare you to deal with the reality of applying to dozens of jobs without even getting so much as an auto email response back. I knew I couldn't stay in suburbia and continue working in retail. I finally received an offer last July...but it was only for 12 weeks...but it was in one of the top TV markets in the country. So off I went, packed my bags, and headed off to the big city. It was almost like going back to college again, moving into a dorm. At least I was doing something, for most of the summer it felt like life was on pause. Everyone else was moving on with their lives and I was stuck. I adapted pretty well to big city living and 12 weeks went by pretty fast. But then after some interviews that never led anywhere, I was right back where I started on Graduation Day, kind of aimless for the moment, and for me that is a scary place to be. I tried my best to enjoy an extended Christmas break, knowing that I likely would never have holidays off at any point in the near future. And come the New Year I received another offer...again only 10 weeks, but I headed back to the big city hoping maybe this time would be different. So here I am chronicling my journey in the post college years, trying to find myself and figure out what I want out of life.