Conflict

Life was so much easier in school. I knew pretty much what to expect everyday for 9 months of the year, and then someone hands you a piece of paper that says "yep, you're ready" and then pushes you out to the real world. Now I'm in charge, I have to figure out this whole grown up real world deal out and still be true to myself. The thing is I don't want to live life with the same story every single day. I know it has only been a week, but I so cannot work at a desk 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I want to see different places and do different things and explore what this crazy world has to offer. I'm beginning to think maybe I'm trying to force the issue of wanting the "big city" lifestyle right now. Maybe it's not for me, maybe there is a better fit somewhere else. Like when I was searching for colleges, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I researched those places endlessly and planned out what I could do there and how I would live. But when I visited each one, I didn't really get the feeling that this was it, this was "the one." That is until I got to the college I wasn't really expecting anything out of. It didn't have exactly what I thought I wanted, but it had everything that deep inside I didn't know I wanted but absolutely needed to be satisfied with the college experience. Looking back I just wish I had more time to stop and smell the roses a bit more. I was trying so hard to fit everything in that sometimes I was definitely a jack of all trades yet master at none. I think I feel like this place is "the place" for me, but at other times I wonder if maybe there is another path out there that will be "the one."