A Day of Reflection

I guess I'm part of the 9/11 Generation. The generation that lost their innocence far too soon and came of age in a time of war, terror, and a drastically altered political landscape. Every generation seems to have that "where were you when" moment. That moment in history were you can recall every detail of the event.

For me, that moment was in 8th grade science class. I can still recall the beautiful Tuesday morning. It was the second week of school and science must have been the first class of the day. With beams of sunlight drifting into the classroom, our teacher pretty much just blurted it out. She had recieved an email from her husband about a plane crash into the World Trade Center. Honestly, in our 13 and 14 year old minds, we didn't really know what to make of it. It seemed like something you would see on the news, the gravity of the situation had yet to reveal itself. At some point, the teachers decided to return us to our homerooms. That is when we knew something must be up. Being a small school with only 2 classes per grade, all the teachers and the principal simply met in the hallway to discuss what to do. What could they do? I mean it's not like this is something you could have prepared for or practiced.

Eventually school buses started showing up to dismiss us. There really was no rhyme or reason as to when or how they would do this. It was also the kindergarten boys first day of school. (Private school, what can I say?) I distinctly remember going down to both kindergarten rooms to see which students I would be in charge of. I was the safety person that got them on and off the bus every day. But this was no ordinary day. They too knew something was up, but they were so young. I remember them asking me or the bus driver what was happening. I had no idea what to tell, because truth be told, I didn't really know either. I'm pretty sure I just told them that their parents would explain it when they got home. What else could you say?

I remember both my parents at home when we arrived. I vaguely remember watching the news but not much. Again this event just seemed like another bad thing on the news. It seemed a little nerve wracking because if the bad guys had hit NYC and DC, what's to say they wouldn't hit Philadelphia next? Two years later, I went to a leadership camp in Washington DC and we visited the Pentagon. I definitely remember the chapel area, I'm not sure if the memorial was completed by that point or not. Beyond prayer services, remembrance ceremonies, American flags and ribbons, I don't really have much connection to the events for the next few years

Fast forward to 9/11/10. I moved to Washington DC for the first time. To see that date on paper didn't really mean a whole lot, to pull into downtown Washington and see all the flags at half staff really puts it into perspective. The events over the next year lined me up perfectly to take a new job that again landed me working in Washington DC on 9/11/11 with a view of the Capitol Dome.

To think about what could have been, if those passengers and crew members had not taken matters into their own hands? To think about what might have happened if it wasn't the south side of the Pentagon hit? Everyone focuses so much on NYC because they took the brunt of the casulties. But to realize that the mighty and powerful United States military and government could be taken so off guard is mind boggling. To realize that over the course of the last year, I have gone in and out of the Pentagon travel space so many times, traveled a path that some took that morning and wouldn't take that evening. Now it hits closer to home, it's this place I've always dreamed of, a place held up on a pedestal that no one could knock down.

To those who think the media needs to tone down coverage, look at the babies who never met their fathers, look at the girls who won't have their father on their wedding day and the boys who have no one to place catch with in the yard.

The men, women, and children who died that day were unknowingly the first soldiers in the war on terror. They died doing everyday tasks on that beautiful late summer morning. Thank you to the soldiers that followed in their footsteps. Thank you to the families that sacrificed everything so that we can live in country as great as this one. Thank you for protecting our freedoms and allowing the American Dream to flourish in this new age. Thank you for allowing me to live my American Dream.

Season of Changes

Well, it sure has been awhile. Since my last post, I finally landed an actual job! No more internships! It's not an actual salaried, vacation, benefits type job, but it has the potential to turn into that very quickly. So I moved back down about 3.5 weeks ago and started training. In my head I know it's a job and not an internship that will be over in 3 months, but it still doesn't seem real. It seems like someone will wake me up and I will be back to square 1 again. I know I'm doing a good job now, but at first it seemed a little scary to think that they trust me to be doing these things. I will be forever grateful to my friend K for passing my resume along and letting me crash with her until I found a place.

That's a whole 'nother story...it's almost as bad as trying to find a job. But here I am finally in an apartment, it's a very nice apartment with 2 roommates. But again it's one of those things that they don't teach you in school. There is no guidebook, no how-to method. This is the real world and you have to just close your eyes and dive in...and hope you don't crash into the bottom.

Let's see, in my first month, we've had an earthquake, a hurricane (with 2 more on the way), the 10th anniversary of 9/11, and the fall of Lybia/Syria??, and the continued ramping up of the next presidential campaign. I guess you could say I've started out with a bang.

I think part of why I can't actually believe I'm here is because this is not the way things are supposed to go. All the guidebooks and how-to books tell you to start small and get your feet wet before swimming into the big pool...well I like doing things my way I suppose...I've never done things the easy way so why start now? In some ways it does finally feel like life is moving forward again and it's nice to be surrounded by a group of colleagues who are around my age. It feels like our version of Gray's Anatomy...we are all going through the same things at the same time and actually have someone who truly gets it...though there aren't enough males to create the relationship drama like the show. Hopefully they continue to be impressed with my work and I can move up into permanent status soon enough :)

Do what makes you happy

It's so easy to say but not quite as easy to do. I just finished watching the Lifetime movie of JK Rowling's life. The similarities are striking. She knew exactly what she wanted to do but wasn't really sure how to go about it. Everyone told her it wasn't practical and she needed something more reliable. She was pleasing everyone else, it wasn't until rock bottom that she realized she had nothing to lose and finally made herself happy. 

Journalism is not a career you go into for fame and fortune. It is one of those "impractical" career choices, the crazy hours, low pay and unpredictability. But for those that follow that path do so to follow a passion, a desire that is worth more than a nice, fat paycheck. When you find something you love to do and it's one of those things that you just know is right. Words cannot quite capture the feeling. 

It's strangely similar to college selection. I visited several schools but when it was the one, I knew that I wouldn't be fully happy anywhere else and that it was the one place were I could get what I wanted out of the college experience. It didn't have what I thought I wanted, but had exactly what I didn't know I needed. When I look at other job openings or consider other locations, it just doesn't feel right. Some are definitely close but nothing is quite like DC. Looking back through old scrapbooks, I realized that this is in my blood, this is what I am and who I'm meant to be.

Go big or go home

After yet another day trip for another interview, I met with my contact there. She was awesome! It was really great to hear from someone who really knew the field and had been there done that. I realized I'm getting in my own way. If this is really what I want, then I have to be willing to take the plunge and just do it. No excuses! I honestly cannot picture myself anywhere else doing anything else. She has convinced me that I actually do have experience and that I actually could do this. It's to the point where I have looked at apartments online and mentally designed the rooms. Of course I'm way jumping the gun, at the minimum I'll have to have a roommate and won't be able to afford anything for a long time. Now I continue to wait...

Another one opens...or so I thought

Today was the big interview day with the senior editor at The NewsHour. I'm not sure what to think. I wasn't really nervous, but it wasn't really a normal interview. Obviously, I'm at least somewhat qualified, I mean I got the first interview. I made it out of the stack of hundreds of resumes, but now I've got to seal the deal. But at the same time it wasn't a typical interview, he was a little late, didn't really ask a lot if any questions and left in the middle of the interview. But he left to go get someone else to interview me for another position that just opened. This was the position I applied for first that got me the California documentary. I mean I'd love either position but I'd obviously prefer the permanent position with a salary that is sustainable. There really are no second chances with this one, I've got to pull out all the stops to prove that I'm worthy. Now the waiting game begins, who knows when I'll find out about the main position, but the other surprise one could start in less than a week!** Absolutely crazy, the turnaround time, packing, living arrangements. I've got to talk to Lisa about this. We are so much alike and I trust her judgment. I guess you could say I'm hopefully optimistic that the third time truly is the charm!

**(Note since this was written, I was officially rejected again.)

As one door closes...

Another chapter ends...not quite sure how I feel about that. This is the first internship/work experience where I really truly did not want to see it end. (And I pray it doesn’t truly ever end.) As crazy as it has been the last few weeks, I can honestly say I loved everything about it and everybody involved got along great. There were no weird feelings like there have been in the past. And as hard as it was to almost be “commuting” a couple hundred miles each week, it was totally worth it. I made some great network connections and honestly some great friends. They were all very real people without the “Washington” persona that can be so prevalent down here. I felt like I belonged and didn’t have to fight so hard to fit in. I’m definitely an old soul in that regard. I feel like I have so much more in common with these co-workers and employers who are closer in age to my parents than the co-workers and employers who are closer to my actual age.

Now I face the seemingly never-ending quest to figure out what comes next. Do I stay or do I go? Do I try to make a go of it as a grown up in the real world? Or do I wait until I have the job/apartment/whatever lined up and waiting for me? This is where actually acting my age would come in handy. The average 20-something would just kind of take the plunge without any responsibility to hold them back. I definitely don’t have the average 20-something mindset. I analyze everything to death. Honestly at this point, I don’t know what to do. I could find some job somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and work my way back to Washington, but nothing seems at all interesting. After making it nearly a year (off and on), I feel like I’ve earned my keep so to speak. Everyone says DC is the place to be and the place with all the jobs, which is true...if you have experience which is nearly impossible to get because no one will hire you to get experience. I can’t intern forever, freelance seems like it could have interesting possibilities but it also has a certain sense of uncertainty that I don’t know that I could handle 24/7/365. I have to figure out this internal battle between what my head says I should do and what my heart truly wants. Perhaps I need to just follow my heart and everything that my head says will just happen?

Dare to Dream and Find your Passion

Those are the messages I got from Dove chocolate wrappers over the weekend. It was perfect timing as I received an email the day before saying I was a semi-finalist for a job I could only dream about before. They wanted to do a phone interview/screening Monday (today). I honestly have no idea how it went. I was definitely nervous and not 100% prepared for some of the questions. As usual with me and interviews, after the fact I never remember what happened during the conversation. It just goes in one ear and out the other, maybe it's the nerves? Who knows, I shouldn't get that nervous though. Nothing says nerves quite like sell out stadiums or parades of the century. With this particular one, it was like the Holy Grail, the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz, someone in some far away place that mere mortals never get to see much less talk to. All of a sudden I had every hope and dream for the last 4 years, heck for most of my life, flash before me. I would be back in a position where I couldn't wait to go to work each morning and love every minute of it. I may not be perfectly groomed for this position but obviously they see something in me if they still called regardless. Now if only to convince myself that it went fine and to somehow occupy my mind over the next two weeks of waiting.