Just a little bit longer

Still no luck. But I managed to get this 10 week position extended to 14 and now 16 weeks, which I suppose is a good thing. I also have a potential interview lined up for an actual job-job. I've come to realize that I may just have to deal with that for the time being. It is no where close to anything I dream of doing, but it would be permanent and in one of my desired locations. I'm so conflicted about life sometimes. I just wish I could turn my brain off and stop thinking and just start doing. Today was the royal wedding. I'll admit I wasn't that caught up in it until last night. And yes I attempted to get up and watch, I wasn't very successful only managed to see the end of the ceremony and processional out. But seriously who doesn't love a fairy tale? Can't we all be the fairy tale princess, even if it's just for one day? Can't we have that happy ending? Oh the dress...love me some wedding gowns :)

Some days I feel like I'm stuck in a quarter life crisis. Why can't I seem to get it together? I think it looks that way on the outside, but on the inside I just want to go back to being 18-19 and not having to worry about anything. Life was so much simpler while in school, and I keep thinking about going back, but they still haven't fully arranged the program and now I don't think they will get it up by the fall. I just don't. I'm tired of the waiting and wanting and hoping. But I just have to hold on a little bit longer, I suppose. 

Is this really happening?

Like the song I was listening to this morning, "...be careful what you wish for because you just just might get it all..." I'm not sure why I'm reacting like this, but I just found an opening for my absolutely, positively, most awesome dream job, you know the one you tell people about when they ask what you want to do if you could do anything in the world. I saw the job posting and completely started sobbing, like the full on ugly cry...what am I coming to? I mean it starts to get completely demoralizing when you get rejected from internship positions or even secretarial positions. Nothing against secretaries, but apparently I'm over/under qualified for even that type of work... It got the point today where I even applied for a sales position which I swore I would never do, but it was back up near school so I figured what the heck. I really should not listen to music while writing, another song just finished with the line, "...some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this..." Seriously, in the interview on Monday they asked if I could start tomorrow, what would be my ultimate goal/dream job. Down to a tee it would be this position that just opened, it was almost like a prayer was answered or something. Hmm, now to land an interview...Granted technically both openings are more internships, but they are 7-12 months not 3, yippee! Seriously, my heart aches for these jobs...how many people get to wake up every single morning and can't wait to get to work and absolutely love their job from the bottom of their heart? I mean I keep clicking on the posting over and over just to be sure it is still there and I'm not imagining something that I want so badly. This would set me up to do exactly what I've dreamed about doing since I was 6 years old.

Edited to add: someone just posted this as a Facebook status and I just had to add it to this post,  

"You can discourage and take away a lot from a person, but passion...passion is one thing you will never be able to lay a finger on."

Uncertainty

Last week was fabulous. Anything that could go right did, you know spent the afternoon with Olympic Champions, private ice time, NBD :) 

But so far this week has been a harsh crash back to reality. I'm not really sure what I want to be doing. I want to be here so badly but it seems that no one else sees things that way. I want to move out to my dream job, but I'll be lucky if I even get noticed. I want to go back to school and live there. Part of me has wanted to be in this town for so long and you know what I'm making it happen, but the other part of me thinks that, well I tried time to move on and maybe come back later. I mean what a way to start out a Monday, with not one but two more job rejections. There's only so much rejection one person can take. I spent most of the day at work revamping resumes and cover letters, hopefully the effort will start to pay off again. 

The week will end on a positive note with a long weekend at home. Can't wait! See you all soon :) 

Been Awhile

Well, so far I guess you can say no news is good news? My internship has been extended which is nice and buys me some more time but it's definitely time for something else. Went skating tonight, felt so good to be out there and so freeing at the same time. I wish I could have gone to this rink first, but alas hockey rules down here. I didn't want to spend the money, but it was definitely some well deserved me time and as an added bonus the rink was rather empty. :)

I think everyone needs an outlet and this is mine. For over a month now, I have woken up every morning, gone to work, come home, went to bed and repeated the process. This is so not me, I need variety, I need the stimulation, I can't sit at a desk and stare at a computer for 8 hours waiting for the clock to hit 5:30. Hopefully, next week will bring some better days and better news.

Just Get Up

This title is more symbolic than most. The movie RISE came out last week and it was truly more moving than I quite imagined. The stories were incredible. To see Olympic champions fall over and over, yet get up and keep going. To see someone get so close to their dreams and have everything snatched away. To know that a simple message is all that is needed to keep going. Even when I have my down days and think to hell with it all, I have to know that I just need to get up one more time and try again. I loved Scott Hamilton's quote about being a serial underachiever and deciding to put full force into making something of himself. I don't think I've quite been a serial underachiever in a certain sense. I always set out to do my best, my problem tends to be that I want to be the best at everything. But I definitely need to learn to put full force and dedication into something I want. So when one rejection letter comes back, that just means I have to send out two more applications. And when my body won't cooperate on a new jump or spin, I need to really examine what I am doing and why I am doing it. There are a couple jobs that look really promising. I know I could apply for this opening and have a decent shot at it, but in reality I want nothing to do with this field. I need to dig deep into other areas and find a way to get there. It certainly won't be easy and certainly won't be without complications but I just need to get up one more time.

Progress

Finally a glimmer of light with not one but two interviews this week. I'm starting to think maybe it will finally happen when I stop trying so hard and just let the chips fall where they may. Neither interview is at a location I pushed for, networked for, nothing. I think I actually really want the second job. It is a good opportunity in a good location and it seems like they actually really want me to. I applied on Monday, received a call today, and an interview on Friday. I don't know if I have ever had such a quick turnaround in any job. Just have to make it two more days till the weekend, movies tomorrow night cannot wait :) and home on Friday :)

Dashed

I know she means well, but seriously my mother has got to stop. I shouldn't get off the phone sobbing, I should have exciting and new adventures to tell her. I finally started to accept and almost enjoy my position and she goes and dashes it. Telling me to not give up so easily was definitely the wrong choice of words. I've pushed myself to get good grades, done all the right things to try and get ahead, I've been at this for coming up on one year, don't you dare tell me I'm giving up too easily. I should tell her these things but I just can't. I'm the golden child that can do no wrong and never has any problems. I just want my life to move forward and I'm stuck in a constant state of limbo. I'm so done looking for a job, I'm so done trying to do the right thing, I'm so done trying to meet the right people. Why am I being tested this way? I just want to be able to go to work, go skating, and finally start living a full adult life. Apparently, you can't get a job unless you got an education degree or an engineering degree, the rest of us are just royally screwed.