Uncertainty

Last week was fabulous. Anything that could go right did, you know spent the afternoon with Olympic Champions, private ice time, NBD :) 

But so far this week has been a harsh crash back to reality. I'm not really sure what I want to be doing. I want to be here so badly but it seems that no one else sees things that way. I want to move out to my dream job, but I'll be lucky if I even get noticed. I want to go back to school and live there. Part of me has wanted to be in this town for so long and you know what I'm making it happen, but the other part of me thinks that, well I tried time to move on and maybe come back later. I mean what a way to start out a Monday, with not one but two more job rejections. There's only so much rejection one person can take. I spent most of the day at work revamping resumes and cover letters, hopefully the effort will start to pay off again. 

The week will end on a positive note with a long weekend at home. Can't wait! See you all soon :) 

Been Awhile

Well, so far I guess you can say no news is good news? My internship has been extended which is nice and buys me some more time but it's definitely time for something else. Went skating tonight, felt so good to be out there and so freeing at the same time. I wish I could have gone to this rink first, but alas hockey rules down here. I didn't want to spend the money, but it was definitely some well deserved me time and as an added bonus the rink was rather empty. :)

I think everyone needs an outlet and this is mine. For over a month now, I have woken up every morning, gone to work, come home, went to bed and repeated the process. This is so not me, I need variety, I need the stimulation, I can't sit at a desk and stare at a computer for 8 hours waiting for the clock to hit 5:30. Hopefully, next week will bring some better days and better news.

Just Get Up

This title is more symbolic than most. The movie RISE came out last week and it was truly more moving than I quite imagined. The stories were incredible. To see Olympic champions fall over and over, yet get up and keep going. To see someone get so close to their dreams and have everything snatched away. To know that a simple message is all that is needed to keep going. Even when I have my down days and think to hell with it all, I have to know that I just need to get up one more time and try again. I loved Scott Hamilton's quote about being a serial underachiever and deciding to put full force into making something of himself. I don't think I've quite been a serial underachiever in a certain sense. I always set out to do my best, my problem tends to be that I want to be the best at everything. But I definitely need to learn to put full force and dedication into something I want. So when one rejection letter comes back, that just means I have to send out two more applications. And when my body won't cooperate on a new jump or spin, I need to really examine what I am doing and why I am doing it. There are a couple jobs that look really promising. I know I could apply for this opening and have a decent shot at it, but in reality I want nothing to do with this field. I need to dig deep into other areas and find a way to get there. It certainly won't be easy and certainly won't be without complications but I just need to get up one more time.

Progress

Finally a glimmer of light with not one but two interviews this week. I'm starting to think maybe it will finally happen when I stop trying so hard and just let the chips fall where they may. Neither interview is at a location I pushed for, networked for, nothing. I think I actually really want the second job. It is a good opportunity in a good location and it seems like they actually really want me to. I applied on Monday, received a call today, and an interview on Friday. I don't know if I have ever had such a quick turnaround in any job. Just have to make it two more days till the weekend, movies tomorrow night cannot wait :) and home on Friday :)

Dashed

I know she means well, but seriously my mother has got to stop. I shouldn't get off the phone sobbing, I should have exciting and new adventures to tell her. I finally started to accept and almost enjoy my position and she goes and dashes it. Telling me to not give up so easily was definitely the wrong choice of words. I've pushed myself to get good grades, done all the right things to try and get ahead, I've been at this for coming up on one year, don't you dare tell me I'm giving up too easily. I should tell her these things but I just can't. I'm the golden child that can do no wrong and never has any problems. I just want my life to move forward and I'm stuck in a constant state of limbo. I'm so done looking for a job, I'm so done trying to do the right thing, I'm so done trying to meet the right people. Why am I being tested this way? I just want to be able to go to work, go skating, and finally start living a full adult life. Apparently, you can't get a job unless you got an education degree or an engineering degree, the rest of us are just royally screwed.

Revelation

As frustrating as the job hunt can be, today I had a minor revelation and realized, you know what life has been pretty damn good to me so far. It may not be going the way I want at the moment, but I've had the chance to do things people wouldn't even dream of. 

Been to the top of the Great Wall, been to the Vatican during Holy Week, been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, been on national television countless times, met famous people of all walks of life, taken part in the most historic Presidential inauguration ever, have photographs taken with Olympians, even an interview/press conference with a former Secretary of State...I mean how many can say they have done all that before they've reached 25? 

The stars might finally be aligning on the job front so fingers crossed something happens this week. At this point I will take just about anything just to have some sense of stability and security and something to build on for my future. Maybe the future will include the guy from the Newseum today? :)

Winter Blahs

Things have kind of been up and down the last few days. Sometimes I actually do things and some days...well let's just say I probably spend more time playing Tetris. There is so much I want yet so much I can't have. I've applied to probably close to ~150 jobs at this point, yet nothing. I do everything "they" tell you to do and then some and have nothing to show for it. I just wish I could get an interview...the other day I was excited because an actual human acknowledged my resume. I know good things will come to those who wait...but goodness I've done my time. I don't want to settle for second best, but I'm so done fighting. When will it finally be my turn? At least with college, I knew I would have a back up if my first choice didn't pan out. But this whole job thing, I can only seem to buy myself time. I just want consistency and stability and to know what I'll be doing for the next year or two not just the next month or two. Right now is one of those moments where I wish there were a handbook on life. No one tells you how to handle not being able to find a job. I'm just like everyone else. I want the American Dream, the good job, husband, kids, house, white picket fence, the whole thing. I just want my life to come off the pause button and move forward.