Just Get Up

This title is more symbolic than most. The movie RISE came out last week and it was truly more moving than I quite imagined. The stories were incredible. To see Olympic champions fall over and over, yet get up and keep going. To see someone get so close to their dreams and have everything snatched away. To know that a simple message is all that is needed to keep going. Even when I have my down days and think to hell with it all, I have to know that I just need to get up one more time and try again. I loved Scott Hamilton's quote about being a serial underachiever and deciding to put full force into making something of himself. I don't think I've quite been a serial underachiever in a certain sense. I always set out to do my best, my problem tends to be that I want to be the best at everything. But I definitely need to learn to put full force and dedication into something I want. So when one rejection letter comes back, that just means I have to send out two more applications. And when my body won't cooperate on a new jump or spin, I need to really examine what I am doing and why I am doing it. There are a couple jobs that look really promising. I know I could apply for this opening and have a decent shot at it, but in reality I want nothing to do with this field. I need to dig deep into other areas and find a way to get there. It certainly won't be easy and certainly won't be without complications but I just need to get up one more time.

Progress

Finally a glimmer of light with not one but two interviews this week. I'm starting to think maybe it will finally happen when I stop trying so hard and just let the chips fall where they may. Neither interview is at a location I pushed for, networked for, nothing. I think I actually really want the second job. It is a good opportunity in a good location and it seems like they actually really want me to. I applied on Monday, received a call today, and an interview on Friday. I don't know if I have ever had such a quick turnaround in any job. Just have to make it two more days till the weekend, movies tomorrow night cannot wait :) and home on Friday :)

Dashed

I know she means well, but seriously my mother has got to stop. I shouldn't get off the phone sobbing, I should have exciting and new adventures to tell her. I finally started to accept and almost enjoy my position and she goes and dashes it. Telling me to not give up so easily was definitely the wrong choice of words. I've pushed myself to get good grades, done all the right things to try and get ahead, I've been at this for coming up on one year, don't you dare tell me I'm giving up too easily. I should tell her these things but I just can't. I'm the golden child that can do no wrong and never has any problems. I just want my life to move forward and I'm stuck in a constant state of limbo. I'm so done looking for a job, I'm so done trying to do the right thing, I'm so done trying to meet the right people. Why am I being tested this way? I just want to be able to go to work, go skating, and finally start living a full adult life. Apparently, you can't get a job unless you got an education degree or an engineering degree, the rest of us are just royally screwed.

Revelation

As frustrating as the job hunt can be, today I had a minor revelation and realized, you know what life has been pretty damn good to me so far. It may not be going the way I want at the moment, but I've had the chance to do things people wouldn't even dream of. 

Been to the top of the Great Wall, been to the Vatican during Holy Week, been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, been on national television countless times, met famous people of all walks of life, taken part in the most historic Presidential inauguration ever, have photographs taken with Olympians, even an interview/press conference with a former Secretary of State...I mean how many can say they have done all that before they've reached 25? 

The stars might finally be aligning on the job front so fingers crossed something happens this week. At this point I will take just about anything just to have some sense of stability and security and something to build on for my future. Maybe the future will include the guy from the Newseum today? :)

Winter Blahs

Things have kind of been up and down the last few days. Sometimes I actually do things and some days...well let's just say I probably spend more time playing Tetris. There is so much I want yet so much I can't have. I've applied to probably close to ~150 jobs at this point, yet nothing. I do everything "they" tell you to do and then some and have nothing to show for it. I just wish I could get an interview...the other day I was excited because an actual human acknowledged my resume. I know good things will come to those who wait...but goodness I've done my time. I don't want to settle for second best, but I'm so done fighting. When will it finally be my turn? At least with college, I knew I would have a back up if my first choice didn't pan out. But this whole job thing, I can only seem to buy myself time. I just want consistency and stability and to know what I'll be doing for the next year or two not just the next month or two. Right now is one of those moments where I wish there were a handbook on life. No one tells you how to handle not being able to find a job. I'm just like everyone else. I want the American Dream, the good job, husband, kids, house, white picket fence, the whole thing. I just want my life to come off the pause button and move forward.

Why bother trying?

Typically as an intern, you get the assignments nobody wants. Or maybe if you're lucky, you get to do something that might actually be relevant. With the secretary out this week, I've seemingly been demoted to answering phones and running errands...which is fine for awhile but seriously people? This is supposed to be a communications internship, not personal assistant service. I'm trying to get experience and learn new things, but ever time I do the proverbial door gets slammed in my face. I try to complete assignments that I am given but can't because it would actually take an act of Congress to get them done... I try to work the camera angle only to get shooed away. I try to work the blog angle only to have just about every word edited. What more do you want from me? I flipped through the guidebook and realize there was a daily assignment I was suppose to be doing all along...a little hard if no one explains it. Even with catching up on that daily assignment, I still finished everything before lunch time. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I am here... It is only 10 weeks so I know the end is in sight. I am finished in exactly 2 months, 3 days, 5 hours and 30 minutes but who is counting? I need some major job/interview vibes this week, please and thank you.

Conflict

Life was so much easier in school. I knew pretty much what to expect everyday for 9 months of the year, and then someone hands you a piece of paper that says "yep, you're ready" and then pushes you out to the real world. Now I'm in charge, I have to figure out this whole grown up real world deal out and still be true to myself. The thing is I don't want to live life with the same story every single day. I know it has only been a week, but I so cannot work at a desk 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I want to see different places and do different things and explore what this crazy world has to offer. I'm beginning to think maybe I'm trying to force the issue of wanting the "big city" lifestyle right now. Maybe it's not for me, maybe there is a better fit somewhere else. Like when I was searching for colleges, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I researched those places endlessly and planned out what I could do there and how I would live. But when I visited each one, I didn't really get the feeling that this was it, this was "the one." That is until I got to the college I wasn't really expecting anything out of. It didn't have exactly what I thought I wanted, but it had everything that deep inside I didn't know I wanted but absolutely needed to be satisfied with the college experience. Looking back I just wish I had more time to stop and smell the roses a bit more. I was trying so hard to fit everything in that sometimes I was definitely a jack of all trades yet master at none. I think I feel like this place is "the place" for me, but at other times I wonder if maybe there is another path out there that will be "the one."